Comfort

One should never have to go through a break-up. Relationships are hard as it is. However, I can't help wondering: would we be less ‘in love’ if we always had love? Who would we be if we had none of it? Or even the loss of it. Sometimes we just hold on to someone so tight that we forget to value the individual. Sometimes, we’re just so afraid of losing that we suffocate ourselves into whatever it is and become blinded by the unlikely possibility of ever seeing any good prospect of a happy ending. I might have been driven by my latest couch-obsessed-soap (sex & the city)… If not, what else? This might sound rather immature or even a tad not creative, but whoever said that love and behavior aren’t things you learn from life, had it right. It’s not something you learn from life: it’s something you learn living. Oh, but you never learn how to break-up. There is no true recipe for breaking someone’s heart but the truth is, you always do. Either theirs or yours. It comes down to a choice, really. And lately, I misled my own. Maybe I got out of that love/passion driven blindness and saw, or at least, acknowledged, the prospect of a happy ending. Maybe not with him, but with myself. As I like to say, love doesn’t die from night to day. It sleeps and rests inside you forever. The truth is, love goes beyond those four letters. It has a complicated touch to it and, quite frankly, I would love to go without it. But we never can. At the end of the day, you’re left home with your thoughts. Sometimes you cry along, and others, a smile lights up on your face. It really depends on the depth of how much love you gave away. What I take for myself as a conclusion of the crazy love metric system is: you gotta learn to keep some love for yourself. And even if you do, beware: the loss of love takes away that last drop of self-love. But it always comes back, if not today, then tomorrow. What I do know about this cooking-heart marathon is that you should use your time wisely, keep that special person close to your heart, maybe get a new job and look forward, expect. Will the past become your present? Traces of it might, yes, but make it a fresh new start! And if not, look back sometimes. Change it, if you will. Memories take you far back and oh, how I wish there was a good word in English for what is known as ‘saudade’. That is what hurts the most. You have to readapt your life, your routine and every single minute of it. Do I miss him? Everyday. But sometimes, life plays some nasty tricks and we have to pretend not to notice. Somehow, tomorrow will explain today. And as far as I’m concerned, tomorrow isn’t too far away. A good night of peaceful sleep ought to do it. And yes, you will feel better. But know that there are ups and downs, and truly, sometimes, you will have that unforgiving minute of regret. When that happens, let it go. As for me, I sit and write. In English, Spanish or Chinese. It makes me comfortable and allows me to take that deep relieving breath when I’m done. The secret is to get it out of your system. And know that you are allowed to skip some white pages of your life and, later on, go back and write it all over again. There’s no erasing: there’s rewriting. And that’s just as good as any other attempt of pursuing happiness. As for me, I keep one thing in mind that helps me get through the night: be patient. It’s not a race, take your time. If it’s meant to be yours, then that’s how it’s going to be. Don’t worry. You never know what a fresh new morning might bring along.